Managing Life + Showing Up [ when working for yourself ]
2020 was the year of WFH - it became a thing only the ‘lucky’ did to the thing almost everyone did.
I have been in that headspace [ not getting fully dressed for work / transforming any space in your house into a working space / forgetting what makeup is ] for a couple years.
But, in the course of just hours on March 18th, 2020, my husband was now packing up his desk ‘indefinitely’ to become my cube mate, if you will.
What a rapid transition!
It was apparent things needed to shift...so how do we find the balance between leaving our ‘desk’ to make it our dining table for dinner? How do you coexist in one space for all activities while maintaining productivity (and sanity)?
And more importantly how do you maintain your mental health, learn to walk away from work, and show up for yourself to grow both personally and professionally?
I started working for myself in 2017. I had had my first miscarriage and it crushed me. With my previous job, I was traveling every week and most days out of the week. I loved it at the time, but there were changes going on within the company and my doctor worried that with some underlying fertility challenges and that much stress on my body, it may be hard for me to continue in that position. So it was time to walk away.
Most of you know that story by now...I took the leap, after a very long list of pros and cons was created and talked through, I left my corporate, comfortable job for the world of entrepreneurship. And here I am still plugging along almost 4 years later.
But as I have grown my business and our family over the last couple of years, this year was like no other. I was desperately trying to balance being a present mother, supportive wife and knowledgeable business woman. I wanted to remain (debatable?) physically healthy, sustain (again, debatable?) my mental health and continue to be creative both personally and professionally (which is so important to me!).
Let’s just say some (most) of those last things didn’t happen. But here we are, 2021, new year, new opportunities, new goals, etc etc etc. Although things aren’t looking much different for the time being, it’s time to show up. Show up for myself, first and foremost.
I am breaking down the things that have truly helped me in some aspect - business or personal - over the last 12 months. I have had my best year to date with ineedmylipstick and I am truly proud of myself. I made it, despite the intense fear that when the world shut down, my clients would retreat and I would be left without work. Work is my way of self gratification. I find my value within myself, with work.
Although I haven’t perfected everyday balance, I know what I need to do and now what I want to do for the upcoming year.
Cultivate an ‘office’: The biggest - and best - thing that has changed for me is setting working hours and creating a work space. Sure, it’s in the guest room, but it is a designated desk, with our college diplomas (Andrew and I share the space, but I definitely use it more frequently) and family pictures and swivel chair because doesn’t a swivel chair make you just feel more important? It has helped greatly because I can walk away. At the end of the work day, that space is the workplace, and the rest of the house is free of all that goes with that.
Connect with friends: I am really social. Like, I love friends. I always say God put friends on this earth for a reason. That reason is hugs and laughter and love and fun and cheersing and smiling (smiling is my favorite!). I actually think what fills my cup up more than most things is social connection and planning. I am the one that makes parties happen, or breakfasts or dinners or trips (the list goes on). So without this, my mental headspace hasn’t been great, I won’t lie. So I have retreated. I just think it’s ‘easier’ to not talk to others because ‘what is there to talk about?’ BUT. Then I pick up the phone or accept the call and I feel instantly better. Connection, even by voice, is so important. Plus it’s a good release / therapy / sounding board [ for work projects even! ].
Take time off: This is, without a doubt, the hardest thing for me. I think by disconnecting or saying no or not responding to that email immediately, you are failing. But I notice if I even take a half a day away from my phone or as little as a full meal, I feel better. Being in digital media can be STESS CITY and I need that time to step away. Ashley of @arrowsandbow takes Friday night to Sunday off - completely. Like, does not even look at her phone, puts it in the other room. And I respect this so much! It’s important to shut the brain off. Make a point to end the week with little to no brain bubbles (tabs as most call it) open and just breathe!
Get outside, take a break: Whew, what a walk can do. That’s all.
Do something that makes it seem like the end of the day: Light a candle, pour a glass of wine, start dinner. Give your husband a kiss to ‘signify’ coming home from work. It will help ease into that relaxation mode.
Find strength in your partner and ask for help: It is really hard some days to ask Andrew to take a step away from his work, so I can concentrate on mine. I feel guilty because he is technically ‘the breadwinner’ and has a standard 9 to 5 finance job. I feel guilty taking him away from his computer so I stress and have little freak outs and then realize that he is there to help me (through anything, hello marriage) and there is always a way to compromise and it is what is absolutely necessary right now. Compromise. This is something I have to work on. It goes along with that nasty term (whispers ‘mom guilt’) and it is wayyyy easier said than done!
Set goals: Is it getting dressed everyday for the work week? Or freakin’ brushing your teeth? Maybe it is landing 2 new clients in Q1…big or small, all goals are good goals. So set that goal, my golly, you will feel so good when you hit it (YAH YOU DID!) and mark it off your list!
And in conclusion (Cher Horowitz voice), I have learned that holding myself accountable is key for showing up. It’s also a million other things right now too: patience, persistence, balancing all the balls or even dropping them the next second.
Some of my recurring goals for each week is to ‘serve others’, ‘make people smile’ and ‘keep moving’. These can all mean something specific or be super broad. But either way, they each help motivate me to be the business owner and overall human I want to be. I am going to use this list to look back on - check in on me, will you?
What are some things you are doing to ensure you show up for yourself in 2021?
[ image via @pinterest ]