3:45 am

It’s 4 am, the day before Thanksgiving on a morning of a day I swore I was going to take off. I swore I was going to sleep in if I could, and if not, I would wake up with a nice cup of coffee, cuddle up and finish my client’s book that I am so. close. to. finishing. but has gone to the wayside for weeks because well…life.

But the work is there, and I know within a couple of hours, I will need to be in full on ‘mom mode’.

The days all start the same - 3:45 the alarm goes off [ if I haven’t woken on my own prior to ] and I pull myself from bed, drink large two cups of water, pull a mug from the cabinet and push that Nespresso button that starts that sweet, sweet, delightful sound of coffee brewing. I blend in two scoops of collagen and I am on my way to ‘the office’. I am grateful for this - so grateful my body allows me to rise easily at this time and be able to be productive. This has been my pattern since my infant turned into a toddler and gone were the days of plopping into her activity saucer and entertaining her with the typing of the laptop keys and a few coos.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this. I love to work. It empowers me, it motivates me, and it’s probably what mostly defines me most. But, I love being a mom too. I love her needing me for a random hug, or asking if I want to ‘do the huzzle!!’ [ that’s Annabelle for puzzle ] 94 times per workday. I don’t want her to think of me later in life with a phone always to my ear and ticking away on a computer. Whenever I pull it out, she states ‘Mama workin’’ and often times she picks up my phone and says ‘Baby workin’’. Ouch.

So I often get the question, why or how do I get up so early? It’s her. And the reasons listed above.

Ok, I get two questions…second being ‘Do [ or why do ] you have to work so much?’

While that is a very personal question, I am simple and straightforward with my answer. I love to work. I could never be a stay at home mom, which IMO is the hardest job E V E R . Holy Moses. Hats off to you Mamas!

The way I am wired, personally, I need to fuel my brain with things other than Shrek, Clifford, making her babies ‘cogo’ [ that’s Annabelle for cozy ], hidin’ and building forts. I like to feel needed [ I mean, doesn’t everything stem back to our childhood? ] and I like to feel helpful. Just call me a 2w3…ok?

I have made it 1,684 days as a business owner…616 of those days, I have been a business owner during a pandemic. There are days where I don’t want to speak to one more human - including my husband - ever again. There are days where I want to hug anyone I come in contact with because I am CRAVING that connection. And there are, admittingly days where I cry. There are lots of days where I cannot fathom getting one more stinkin’ snack. There are days where I don’t know how I am going to make it until bedtime. And there have been many days that end with wine. But my gosh, I wouldn’t change anything because Andrew and I have gotten to be a part of Annabelle’s arguably most developmental times. I know we are so incredibly lucky for that. We prayed tirelessly for this.

Oh wait. Hold up…how could I forget? We actually get asked three questions, and this one comes up a LOT.

‘Why don’t you get a nanny?’ We have seriously struggled to find childcare in LA - with over 8 failed ‘nanny’ attempts and zero solid open enrolling schools, I am officially throwing in the towel until our move in a few months. We don’t have family or friends down the street to call and ask for favors or a quick ‘can you watch her for a couple hours?’ Our move down south will bring us over an hour closer to family and a plethora of friends. More community. The days are hard right now, but I know it’s a season we will get through. I’m actually a little nervous for how quick the season will come because WHEW we have a lot to do! HA.

Our family dynamic is going to go through another switch come January 2022 - Andrew is going back into the office for two days. I cried when I heard that. I know that may seem like nothing, and he used to go in 5 FULL DAYS and I may seem selfish, ungrateful, etc etc etc BUT I have become so dependent on him throughout long work days or when I client moves calls or a fire drill comes up. Or if I just need a non - Annabelle at my feet potty break. We have a groove that will need to shift greatly. And? I am going to miss him.

I am manifesting a lot for 2022. Will Andrew going back into the office require me to shift my work? Absolutely. But do I still want to grow my business? Yep.

Have I had a year where I am seeing much clearer where and what I want to be as both a Mama and business owner? Oh, 100 percent.

Am I excited that I have these visions and passions and desires for my job? So much so.

And do I think that my working hard and my little seeing that will set her up for success [ whatever that looks like in her eyes ] later in life? Definitely.

Also? How Thankful am I? To be able to work with crazy creative individuals everyday who I admire and respect?! SO THANKFUL. This Thanksgiving week and always.

So we will see what this next year brings, but until then, if you get an email from me at 4:02 am, it’s not that I can’t sleep…these are my [ unconventional ] business hours.