34 in the desert

ahhh life in the desert. I could live in Palm Springs…I could. Andrew and I have escaped here for so many years and we both enjoy it so much. It holds so many amazing memories for us and bringing the bump - the healthy baby lump - was special.

Bringing in 34 was unique. My sister is the only one i know who can relate to the fact that both her and I have been ‘superstitious’ to do or accomplish or finish things at a certain age.

Mine was simple: I was scared to have a baby at 35. Not by ANY means do I think that is ‘old’ - it is simple because that was the age my mother birthed me. I have been open with our childhood so it’s no surprise it was strained and I am scared of motherhood because of not wanting to bring any of my past into the future of our child. I am scared something will change, and I will be angry like my mother, throw things like my mother or not be present in my daughter’s life…like my mother.

So 34 is unique, yes. I will have a baby this year. And it felt good to feel her kick and move and not drink and over indulge with dessert for my 34th. It felt amazing. Thankful for these memories and thankful for my husband for sharing them with me. I am ready for this year.